


You'll Be My Nightlight

by Wheres_my_badger



Series: Found Family [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: And embarrassed about it, Anyways, At one point, Changbin is scared of the dark, Changbin!centric, Cute, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, I managed to write this!, I've been away for a while..., I've forgotten how to tag, M/M, SO, as usual, because i love them, but they'll all be there, but!, cause I love this boy, cause writer's block and uni and work, changlix, i guess, idk - Freeform, most of the members are only mentioned, so he doesn't tell the others, yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-13 07:37:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14744651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wheres_my_badger/pseuds/Wheres_my_badger
Summary: "'I love dark', Changbin had said. It was true, it really was. In a way. Changbin liked dark atmospheres, dark lyrics, dark concepts. He liked dark clothes, dark music; he styled his rap to be dark. He loved dark. Except... not the actual thing."ORChangbin is scared of the dark (how ironic), but he's too embarrassed to let the others know.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, it's been a while... I'm a bit out of shape... Anyways, I hope you guys like this! Feedback is always appreciated ^.^
> 
> If you want to request a fanfic or fangirl/boy/anything with me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Jasmine07618357
> 
> Story title from Jessie Ware's song!

It was ironic, really. 'I love dark', Changbin had said. It was true, it really was. In a way. Changbin liked dark atmospheres, dark lyrics, dark concepts. He liked dark clothes, dark music; he styled his rap to be dark. He loved dark. Except... not the actual thing.

Since he could remember, Changbin had been scared of the dark.

He’d gotten a nightlight – according to his mother – at two years old, when his parent noticed he always looked scared when it was time to go to bed. He didn’t remember that far back, of course, but he remembered being three and bursting out crying, completely terrified, when he woke up one night and found his room completely dark.

As he grew, though, his parents tried to slowly reduce the amount of times he used it. His other friends were apparently growing out of their fear of the dark, and his parents assumed that, just like them, Changbin would too. But soon it became clear that this wouldn’t be that simple. Whenever they tried to take away his nightlight, he couldn't sleep, scared to the point of crying. At first his cries were so unexpected - he was usually an easy to deal with kid - that his parents immediately gave the light back. Until they noticed his reactions to the lack of light weren’t getting better, and decided they had to bare with it for a few nights, until Changbin noticed there was nothing to be scared of.

Except it didn’t work. Changbin spent two whole nights alone in his room, scared, crying, and both times, in the morning, his parents found him still awake, curled up against the wall, trying to look as small as he could. Changbin had been too young to notice the worried look on their faces. He was just glad they didn't try to take his nightlight away again.

When Changbin turned 11, though, he started to notice that having a nightlight wasn't exactly common at his age. None of his friends needed a light on to sleep at night; none of them were scared of the dark anymore. On the first time he took a friend from his new school home, the boy had laughed and asked if Changbin still needed a nightlight to sleep. Changbin had panicked and denied - unconvincingly - and from that day on he made sure to hide the damned thing when someone came over. He still couldn't sleep without it, just like he couldn't sleep without Gyu, his plush munchlax. But no one needed to know that.

And so he learned to deal with this. Sometimes it bothered him: he didn't go to sleepovers much and didn't invite his friends over much, scared of them finding out. But it wasn't that hard a thing to do, he didn't mind it that much. It could have become a bigger problem when Changbin started training at JYP and was given the option of staying at the dorms. But it didn’t. He lived close to the company; there was no reason for him to live at the dorms before debuting. So he didn't, and if when he crashed with Chan and Jisung from being at the company too late he didn't sleep, no one needed to know.

Now, though, he really had a problem.

 

Changbin made sure to hide his nightlight before filming his house and room. He didn't need people all over the world making fun of him for being scared of the dark at nineteen. He did talk about Gyu, out of impulse more than anything. It didn't matter much, though. Idols were always with stuffed animals at airports and videos, he knew no one would find it weird.  
But when he finished packing, he turned off the camera, and then headed to his closet. And there he found the item that had been giving him a headache.

His nightlight was pretty new, as his old one had broken a few weeks earlier. It was green, shaped like a little bear, because nightlights were designed for little kids. Changbin blushed as he picked it up. He couldn't take that to the dorms. The others would laugh their asses off if they saw it, and they'd never let him live it down. And worse: they were filming at the moment. What if they were filmed in their sleep? Everyone would see Changbin's nightlight and he'd become the laughing stock of the group and the fans.

Sighing, he put the light down. He didn't know what to do. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep in the dark. He'd been trying for a few days, since he learned he'd have to move into the dorms, but to no avail. He was older, now, so consciously he told himself that there was nothing to be scared of. But it made no difference, because as soon as it was dark his heartbeat picked up and he wasn't able to close his eyes, scared of things that were absolutely unreasonable for a nineteen year old to be scared of.

Biting his lip, he looked at his nightlight again. Someone knocked on the door and Changbin jumped, startled, then turned around as his mother - the apparent culprit of his almost heart attack - entered the room.

The woman eyed him, then smiled sweetly.

"Ah, I figured you'd have trouble with that."

Changbin pouted. His mother chuckled.

"What do I do, Eomma?"

He asked, playing with the nightlight. She sighed and made her way to his bed, sitting down there.

"You know, when we first noticed you weren't intending on letting go of your nightlight, your dad and I were worried. We didn't understand why you couldn't sleep in the dark like other kids your age, and we were scared you'd be made fun off because of this. I, personally, wanted to keep pushing you. It broke my heart to see you so scared in the morning, but it would break my heart even more to see you being left out because of this. Your dad, though. He didn’t let me keep it up. He told me something. He told me everyone had their little quirks and perks. He told me we need them to learn who our true friends are, the people we can trust.” Changbin tilted his head, trying to follow what she was saying. “What this means, sweetie, is that we know we’ve found the right people when we find people who accept us for who we are. These boys in your group, you’ve told me you really like them. So trust them, baby. If they’re as nice as you say they are, they won’t mind.”

Changbin felt like crying. He understood what his mother meant, he really did. But…

"But... but what if they make fun of me, eomma?"

The woman shook her head, still smiling.

"Then they're not worth your time." She said, and got up, kissing his head and heading to the door. "Come eat. It'll be our last meal as a family for a while."

 

Changbin ended up taking his nightlight. He wasn't sure if he actually meant to use it – he wasn't too inclined to, really –, but having it with him made him feel a little safer.

He arrived at the dorm and as the others came in too, the mess began, with nine excited boys talking all at the same time, laughing and joking, excited about the new phase they were about to start together. Changbin watched from afar for a bit, smiling at the scene. He didn't know when it had happened, but those boys had become family to him.

And then he felt eyes on him and looked around until he spotted Felix, staring at him with an expression Changbin couldn't read. As soon as their eyes met, though, Felix looked away, cheeks reddening. Changbin could feel his own cheeks getting hotter and looked away, trying not to think about this. He had a lot on his mind already.

They calmed down after a while, settling down enough to choose their rooms. Changbin perked up as they mentioned roommates. This was important. Depending on his roommate he would define how to deal with his situation.

Needless to say, he wasn’t too happy when the method for choosing roommates was revealed.

They were supposed, apparently, to choose their roommate through a game. Changbin bit his lip. He had wanted to choose the room with less people, or the room with Chan, because he figured Chan was one of the least likely to tease him and tell the others about his problem. He couldn't choose, though, so he had to count on his luck. And that was a problem. But there was nothing he could do, so he simply sucked it up and chose a room, praying that Chan would be the one walking through that door.

For nothing. When the door opened, Changbin groaned. Three people. He'd be rooming with three people, none of which were Chan. It would only have been worse if it was Felix the one he was rooming with. Not because Felix would tease him. Actually, Changbin had the feeling that Felix would be the most understanding out of all the boys and wouldn't tease at all. But he couldn't room with Felix. He couldn't let Felix know about his embarrassing little problem. He…

"Hyung, c'mon! Aren't you happy that you're with us?"

Came Jeongin's voice, bringing Changbin out of his thoughts. Jisung smirked at him.

"Maybe he wanted to room w..."

Changbin shoved the boy away, interrupting him because he knew what Jisung was going to say. Jisung had always been too good at reading Changbin.

"Shut up, of course I'm happy with you guys! Now let's go meet the others, I can hear Minho hyung crying for help."

The others chuckled, apparently forgetting about Changbin's weird behaviour as they indeed heard Minho screaming. Changbin followed them out. He'd have to figure out how to deal with this new situation.

 

After a while, Changbin had been half convinced to just tell the others that he needed his nightlight to sleep at night. Spending time with them had helped him remember that they were good people, they were the family he’d chosen. They were conscious of other people’s boundaries and limits, and he felt like he could trust them. That is, of course, until he opened his bag and took out Gyu.

As he held the stuffed toy, Hyunjin tilted his head and Jisung chuckled.

"What’s that, Changbinnie hyung?"

Asked the squirrel-like boy. Changbin blushed.

“Uhn, it's... it's Gyu.” He said, hoping it was enough of an explanation. It didn’t seem to be, though, so he shrugged to himself, figuring that if he’d be telling them about his nightlight he might as well tell them about Gyu. "I can't sleep without him."

He said, feeling his cheeks reddening slightly. Slowly, a teasing smile grew on Jisung's face. Jeongin was grinning too. Changbin blushed harder. He’d made the wrong choice. In a second, Jisung was giggling and rushing out of the room, yelling out 'guys! Changbin hyung needs a plushie to sleep!’

Changbin blushed as Hyunjin and Jeongin laughed. He felt betrayed.

If he hadn't been so scared and embarrassed, he would have noticed the fondness in Jeongin and Hyunjin's eyes as they laughed. He would have noticed how Chan was melting as he peeked into the room to check if it was true. He would have seen how Felix was practically having a fit over how cute Changbin was. But he was scared, and he noticed none of that. Instead, he turned around and threw Gyu on his bed, swearing to himself that if this was their reaction to his plushie, he'd never let the others find out about him being scared of the dark. (He still apologized to Gyu later, when none of the others were around.)

 

Needless to say, when the time to go to bed came, Changbin didn't know what to do. The younger ones - Jisung not included - had gone to bed a while earlier, and Changbin was used to staying up later. He used that to his advantage, although he didn’t know what, exactly, he expected to happen by staying up later than the others. After a while writing with Jisung and Chan, though, the older's mother instinct had kicked in, and Changbin and Jisung had been sent to bed. And that's when Changbin noticed he was most likely fucked.

The room was completely dark. Hyunjin and Jeongin were already fast asleep having gone to bed much earlier, and, naturally, the lights were turned off. Changbin thought of suggesting they turn them on. 'So we don't trip and fall' he thought to himself, trying to come up with a good excuse. But before he could even say it out loud, Jisung entered the dark room, quickly tiptoeing to his bed, guided by the faint light that came in from the hallway. Changbin groaned internally. And now? What would he do?

He looked around, then bit his lip, pondering. And then he rushed into the room, leaving the door ajar. Open enough for the light from the hallway to come in. Open enough for Changbin to see what surrounded him and not be scared. He practically threw himself on his bed, and by the time Jisung noticed the door was open, Changbin was already under the covers.

"Hyung! The door!"

Changbin lifted his head.

"Hum? Oh, sorry."

He said, playing innocent. Jisung whined.

"Hyung, close it."

Changbin whined back.

"Oh, c'mon. Chan will close it when he walks by."

He saw Jisung frowning, but, to his relief, Jisung simply sighed.

"Next time you're getting up, hyung."

Changbin hummed contentedly, closing his eyes and burying his face on Gyu. Maybe this was a good solution.

 

After that, Changbin started refining his strategy. He couldn't leave the door open with Jisung there, of course. The younger had already stated he’d make Changbin get up to close it if he left it open again. But what he could do was wait for Jisung to fall asleep before going to bed, and then he could leave the hallway light on and the door open all he wanted. It was a fail-proof plan.

And so he started doing just that. He waited for Jisung, Hyunjin and Jeongin to go to bed, and then, when they were all asleep, he entered the room, making sure to leave the hallway’s lights on and the door open. It wasn’t that hard. No one ever mentioned anything, so he was pretty sure they didn’t notice what he was doing, and he could sleep peacefully, without the fear that his secret would be found out.

 

Changbin only noticed the problem on his plan when Chan asked him about the dark circles under his eyes.

They had been living in the dorm for a week and a half, already, and Changbin had been keeping up his schedule of only going to bed once his roommates were asleep. It was hard sometimes, when he was so tired that he wanted nothing more than to just sleep, or when Chan insisted he went to bed and Changbin had to make up excuses, but he was dealing well with it. Or so he thought. Until he looked in the mirror, frowning, and found that he was beginning to look a bit like a zombie.

“Uhn, it’s nothing, hyung. Just got too much to do.”

He said, knowing Chan would believe. It wasn’t like the older was in the position to judge Changbin for staying up working. The leader didn’t seem too pleased, though.

“Try to sleep more, Bin. You need to be well-rested if you want to do well in the performances and practices.”

Changbin just nodded. He wished he could sleep more, it wasn’t like he liked having to wait for everyone to be asleep to go to bed. But he couldn’t, and he wouldn’t. So he just nodded at Chan and let the older believe he would.

 

Things started to get worse, though. As the filming of their reality advanced, practice became more intense and they were being pushed even more to their limits. It wasn’t rare for them to get home only four hours before they had to wake up, and on some days they had different schedules. This meant Changbin had to keep track not only of his schedule but also of Jeongin, Hyunjin and Jisung’s schedule, and fuck, that was hard.

He noticed when he began to fall apart, the sleepless nights after hours of practice taking their toll to him, and he noticed the way Chan – and the others, but mostly Chan – watched him worriedly, as if trying to understand what was going on. Changbin tried to cover it up. He took naps instead of eating lunch, sometimes, and slept on the car when they had a schedule somewhere too far for them to walk. But that wasn’t enough, and he was starting to panic.

Sometimes he eyed his bag, where his nightlight was hidden, and he wanted nothing more than to take it out and plug it to the wall, so that he could finally sleep his well-deserved four hours, like the others. Then he remembered the way Jisung had laughed and run to tell the others about Changbin needing a plushie to sleep, and he turned away, leaving his nightlight hidden as he prepared to wait for Hyunjin to come back and go to bed.

Chan, of course, approached him more than once, asking Changbin if everything was alright, if he was having trouble sleeping. Changbin always laughed inside, and once it had taken a lot of his strength not to spill to Chan that he was sleeping perfectly fine for one hour each night, because Jeongin, Hyunjin and Jisung only had one hour of sleep-time in common. He hadn’t said anything, though. He’d just waved the older off like usual, telling him it was the stress and that he was getting used to the dorm. Chan had raised an eyebrow, clearly asking ‘getting used for a whole month?’ but he said nothing, and Changbin pretended not to see.

And so he started distancing himself. Not on purpose, of course. But most days he was too tired to join in on the teasing and playing around, so he just stayed on his own, watching them, and wondering how could he feel so comfortable with them, and yet so lonely and scared of letting them close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think??????


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feel free to talk to me and request things here: https://twitter.com/Jasmine07618357

Things came to a head in an unexpected way.

Days had passed. Felix had been eliminated and Changbin’s one hour of sleep had been reduced to five minutes of sleep each night, because now every time he closed his eyes he could see Felix, tears running down his face, and he couldn’t sleep knowing that Felix wasn’t with them anymore, wouldn’t ever be with them anymore.

Then Felix had come back, and Changbin was sure he looked horrid, dark bags under his eyes so deep they were probably reaching his chin, already. But Felix had smiled at him, as if Changbin’s face was the best thing he could see in the world, and Changbin felt butterflies in his stomach, something he hadn’t felt in a while, and he finally – finally – admitted to himself that maybe Felix wasn’t just a friend to him.

He became a bit better after regaining his sleep, because even if one hour wasn’t enough, it was more than five minutes. And then Felix had asked Changbin to help him practice, and who was Changbin to deny? He’d lost Felix once. He wouldn’t lose him again.

So they started spending a lot of their time alone together in the practice room, and mostly they practiced, but sometimes Felix insisted that Changbin lie on his lap during breaks, and when Changbin woke up, usually an hour later, he complained that they were wasting time, but he was grateful to Felix for noticing his problem and trying to help without pushing Changbin to tell him why, exactly, he didn’t sleep at night.

 

And then – and that was the surprise, because Changbin thought that if anyone were to find out, it would be at night, when they noticed Changbin couldn’t sleep in the dark – on one of those days, they were practicing when the lights went out.

Changbin screamed, startled by the sudden darkness. He heard Felix curse, also surprised, but he barely registered it, as he noticed he couldn't see anything, not even his hand in front of his face.

His breath picked up. It was too dark. He couldn't see anything. All rational thought left him, all the 'there's nothing there to hurt you’s disappeared. All there was left was the dark and Changbin's panic. So he did the first thing that he could think of, through his fear-clogged brain. He called for Felix.

"L-lix? Lix, w-where are you?"

He asked, crouching down and hugging his knees. He could feel the tears falling from his eyes, down his cheeks, and he would be embarrassed about that later, but at the moment he just wanted Felix to hug him and tell him it would be ok.

“Hyung? Are you ok? I’m right here.”

Changbin looked around, only to be reminded that he couldn’t freaking see anything. His panic grew and he was pretty sure he whimpered, but he’d repress that memory as soon as possible.

And then there was a hand on his arm and Changbin recognized that touch. He turned around and threw himself at what he supposed was Felix’s body. Felix grunted, falling down with Changbin on top of him. Then he managed to sit up, bringing Changbin closer in a hug.

“Hyung? Hyung, are you ok? You’re shaking, what…?”

Changbin just shook his head and pressed closer to Felix, feeling the boy’s arms wrap around him tightly, and suddenly the dark didn’t seem so scary anymore.

He still wasn’t comfortable. He still couldn’t stop his tears. But he felt safe in Felix’s arms, and as long as the younger didn’t leave he felt like he would be ok.

“I-It’s so dark.”

He mumbled, figuring Felix deserved an explanation. It wasn’t like the younger would just let him go without an explanation once this was over, so he might as well just tell him already. The dark did have its perks, after all: it would keep Felix from seeing the blush spreading through Changbin’s face.

“Is… is that the problem, hyung?”

Asked Felix, and he wasn’t teasing, he just seemed worried about Changbin. The older nodded against Felix’s chest, and it was beginning to get hot, and Changbin was reminded that they were both sweaty and disgusting, but he couldn’t let go of Felix.

“Hyung…”

Felix started saying. And then the door opened and a light was directed to them. Changbin blinked, burying his face on Felix’s chest in surprise before looking up again. Then Chan’s voice reached them.

"Hey, you two. I thought I'd find you here. I talked to... hey, is everything ok?"

Asked the leader, eyes falling on Changbin and Felix's forms, curled up together on the floor.

"Hyung! Can you bring the light over?"

Asked Felix, seeming relieved. The leader approached them, and Changbin noticed he was frowning.

"Binnie, were you crying? Is everything ok?"

Changbin looked down. Now that there was light his fear was beginning to die down, being quickly replaced by embarrassment.

"It's nothing, I'm ok, hyung."

Chan raised an eyebrow and crouched down next to the pair.

"I can tell you were crying, Bin. C'mon, what happened?"

Changbin felt his cheeks reddening.

"Please, hyung, just let it go."

There was silence for a while. Changbin glanced up, only to find Felix and Chan staring at each other, having a silent conversation. Chan ended up sighing, before getting up.

"Ok. I won't push you, Binnie. But know that you can talk to me about whatever, ok?" Changbin nodded, still calming down, still completely embarrassed. "Well, let's go. I talked to the maintenance guy. It'll take a while to fix the lights, so we should go home and work from there on what we can."

Changbin and Felix nodded. Then Felix nudged Changbin, and that's when the older noticed that he was still sitting in between the younger's legs. He blushed and rushed to stand up. If he’d looked up he would have seen Chan trying to contain his laugh and the way Felix was blushing, flustered. But Changbin was really good at not seeing the important things that went on around him.

"Let's go, c'mon."

Said the leader, and Changbin could tell he was swallowing his laugh. He just didn’t know why.

 

Felix internally thanked Chan when the leader walked in front of them, leaving Felix and Changbin alone, out of earshot. He knew the leader had noticed something was going on, and he was glad the Chan was considerate enough to let them talk on their own. He moved closer to Changbin.

"Hyung."

Changbin didn't look up, but Felix noticed the boy's ears reddening. He sighed. He knew Changbin was embarrassed, but he wished he wasn't. He'd been surprised when he noticed what the boy's problem was, of course; he hadn't expected Changbin, of all people, to still be scared of the dark. But he was, he was scared to the point of panicking, and as soon as the situation was under control and Changbin had calmed down, the first thing that crossed Felix's mind was 'hyung is so cute'. So he wished Changbin wasn't embarrassed, he wished Changbin noticed there was no need to hide this. He would make sure Changbin knew this.

“You weren’t supposed to find out.”

Mumbled the older. Felix frowned.

“What? That you’re scared of the dark?” Changbin’s blush deepened, and Felix wanted to pinch his cheeks, but he didn’t. “Hyung, I don’t care. You don’t need to be embarrassed about it. It changes nothing. Is this why you haven’t been sleeping?”

Changbin shrugged. Then nodded.

“I… I can’t… I have to wait for everyone to go to bed, because if I leave the lights on they’ll either turn it off or tell me to turn them off. And I can’t… sleep in the dark.”

Felix felt a pang on his heart. Changbin sounded so tired and so sad. Felix just wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be ok. Hesitantly, he grabbed Changbin’s hand. He felt the older tense, before he relaxed and moved slightly closer to Felix.

“You don’t have to do that, hyung. They’ll understand if you tell them you need the lights on.”

Changbin shook his head.

“I can’t tell them. No one was supposed to know.”

Felix sighed, a bit frustrated.

“Why not, though? Don’t you trust us?”

At that Changbin looked up. His expression was hurt. He pulled his hand away from Felix’s.

“Of course I trust you! But I would trust more if all of you hadn’t made fun of me because of Gyu!”

Felix’s eyes widened.

“Because of…? What are you talking about, hyung?”

Changbin looked down.

“When we moved in. I told Jisung I couldn’t sleep without Gyu and the first thing he did was tell everyone. And all of you laughed. How do you expect me to tell everyone that I’m scared of the dark?”

Felix didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t believe they’d been stupid enough not to see how hurt Changbin had been by their teasing. He took Changbin’s hand again, this time holding it tightly.

“Hyung. Hyung, we didn’t know you were bothered by us teasing you about that. You never said anything. And… and we only tease you because we find it cute. I find it cute. I think you’re adorable, hyung.”

The younger almost laughed at the way Changbin looked up immediately, eyes wide and cheeks rosy pink.

“Y-you… what?”

Felix squeezed the older’s hand.

“We don’t tease you to make fun of you, hyung. For real.”

Changbin shook his head.

“No, not that, you… you think I’m…?”

Felix once again swallowed his laugh.

He had spent a lot of time thinking his crush on Changbin was one-sided. Changbin wasn’t very touchy on camera, and sometimes the younger noticed him going out of his way to avoid Felix even when they weren’t being filmed. So he assumed his crush was one-sided and that he annoyed Changbin. That is, of course, until the day he was eliminated.

Changbin had seemed broken. Felix had been there for Minho’s elimination. He had seen the look on Changbin’s face when Minho left. It wasn’t the same he had on his face as Felix said goodbye. Not because Changbin didn’t care about Minho. Minho leaving was a blow none of them would ever forget. But because, and Felix hated himself for only noticing this when he was leaving – possibly to never come back –, as much as Changbin loved Minho as a friend, there was something more than friendship between him and Felix.

“The cutest person I know. Yes.”

They stayed silent for a while, and Felix wondered if he’d gone too fast. Then Changbin cleared his throat.

“Usually I prefer handsome, but I think cute will do.”

Felix eyed him, noticing the way the older was looking down, cheeks all red. He smiled.

“My cute Binnie Binnie Changbinnie.”

Said Felix, and this time he laughed as Changbin tripped on air and almost fell. He didn’t, because Felix was there holding him – Felix would always be there holding him. He did shove Felix away, though, but didn’t let go of the younger’s hand. Felix knew they should talk more about the older’s sleeping problem. But he figured that could wait a bit.

 

Changbin’s head was a mess of thoughts. He felt light and happy when he thought about Felix telling him he was cute. Felix found him cute. That must mean something, right? But he also felt worried about what to do now that someone else knew his secret. He didn’t think Felix would tell anyone, but he had a feeling the younger wouldn’t just let it go. And then there was Chan, eyeing him as if Changbin would break down if left unsupervised. All of thus was making Changbin stressed.

They had worked from the dorm for a while when Chan decided they should eat. No one wanted to cook, so they decided this day was already a mess and ordered take-out, and wow, it had been a while since they’d last eaten like that, all of them together, laughing and talking and joking around.

After dinner, though, as Changbin made his way to where Jisung and Chan were working on lyrics, a hand on his wrist stopped him. He bit his lip, trying not to blush, and turned around to face Felix.

“Lix?”

He asked, raising his wrist in question. The younger smiled softly.

“C’mon. You haven’t been sleeping, and god knows when we’ll get the chance to sleep this much again, hyung.”

Changbin’s eyes widened.

“Wha… but… Lix, I have to work, I can’t…”

Felix shook his head.

“No complaining, hyung. You think Chan hyung will let you work more today?”

Changbin eyed him for a second, then huffed. He knew that when Felix set his head on something, no one could stop him. it didn’t help that he had all the members wrapped around his pinky.

“Fine, whatever. I’ll go to bed.”

Felix beamed at him and let Changbin go.

Changbin headed to the bathroom, half panicking. What was Felix planning? Changbin still couldn’t sleep in the dark, and he still wasn’t willing to tell the others about his nightlight. He had no idea how Felix intended to solve that.

He brushed his teeth and changed, then bid everyone goodnight, and he felt bad as all of the members’ eyes widened. He wondered when was the last time he wasn’t the last one up at night.

Slowly, he headed to his room. And then he blushed bright red.

“Lix, what…?”

Felix turned to him and smiled. From Changbin’s bed. Where he was lying.

The younger lifted the covers.

“C’mon. You need to sleep, hyung.”

Changbin gaped for a second, before begging to whatever divine being there was out there that he would come out of his unscathed.

He carefully lay down on the bed, trying not to touch Felix. Except the younger was having none of that. As soon as Changbin was fully lying down, Felix pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around Changbin until the older was lying with his head on Felix’s chest. Changbin’s heart stuttered. Felix wasn’t that much taller than him, they were practically the same height. But he felt safe in Felix’s arms, just like he had in the practice room. Slowly, he let himself relax.

Then he noticed something missing. He blushed.

“Lix…”

Felix didn’t even give him time to finish before he was picking up Gyu, who had apparently been lying next to him. He gave the stuffed toy to Changbin and the rapper took it, blush rising to his ears as he held Gyu close to his chest.

“Now let’s sleep, hyung. You need it.”

Changbin didn’t ask about the hallway light, which was still on, fully illuminating the room through the open door. He didn’t ask for how long Felix was going to be there. He pushed all of his worried away and closed his eyes, and maybe it was a mix of being so tired from going so long without sleep and the comfort and warmth that Felix provided, but Changbin was asleep in a minute.

 

Felix watched as Changbin’s breath evened out and smiled. He ran a hand through the boy’s hair, basking on the way Changbin smiled on his sleep and cuddled closer, squishing Gyu between them. It was a precious sight, something Felix wished to be the only one who could witness.

He picked up his phone and sent a quick message to Chan. A minute later the hallways light was turned off and the room was submerged in darkness. Felix pulled Changbin impossibly closer, wrapping his arms around the boy tightly, and closed his eyes.

 

When Changbin woke up, it was dark. It was completely dark and the dorm was silent, not one sound coming from the living room. For a second he panicked. It was too dark to see, and he felt his chest tightening at the thought of everything that could be in the darkness, ready to take him.

Then Felix mumbled something and Changbin was being pulled closer, a hand on his head, caressing his hair.

“Sleep, hyung. I’m here. No monsters will get you while I’m here.”

And it was so childish, something you’d tell your kid who’s scared of sleeping. But Changbin immediately calmed down and snuggled closer to Felix, because it felt safe, and he trusted the younger’s words.

Nothing would get him while Felix was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think??? Only one chapter to go, now!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!!!
> 
> If you wanna talk to me or request anything, feel free to ^.^ https://twitter.com/Jasmine07618357

It became a habit. Every night, Felix waited for Changbin to arrive and made sure the boy ate, before both of them headed to the older’s room. Once there, they climbed into Changbin’s bed and cuddled as close to each other as they could, and usually Changbin was out like a light after a few seconds of Felix running his hand through his hair.

They didn’t talk about it. The others didn’t talk about it. It was as if they were all too relieved about the bags under Changbin’s eyes disappearing and were scared of ruining it with questions. They did send Changbin and Felix weird looks, sometimes, something between curiosity and amusement. Both boys ignored the looks and kept on doing what they were doing.

Changbin did feel guilty, though. Firstly, he usually arrived home later than Felix. This meant the younger had to stay up waiting for him, and consequently got less sleep than he could get. Second: Their beds were most definitely not made for two people. The two of them fit because they were both small and always curled up tightly against each other. Still, it was a close fit, and it had to be uncomfortable to Felix. So Changbin felt guilty, and he was trying to find the courage to be selfless and let Felix rest from his babysitting duty.

His opportunity came when they moved dorms.

They would debut. Together. All of them. Changbin wasn’t sure if it was the happiest moment of his life, but the moment they were announced as a group of nine was definitely up there on his list. Felix had hugged him, and he had completely forgotten the cameras and all the people watching, and had hugged Felix back with all he had.

And now they were changing dorms. And this meant changing rooms. And that meant Changbin was now rooming with Chan. And Chan had the most fucked up sleep schedule out of them, he wouldn’t notice if Changbin left the lights on when he went to bed. So it was now or never.

 

“Lix, can we talk?”

The frown on Felix’s face made Changbin’s stomach churn.

They walked to the older’s room. Chan was still out, and they would have privacy there.

“Is something wrong, hyung?”

Changbin looked down, biting on his lip.

“I just… I think we should stop.”

He didn’t know why he felt so much like he was breaking up with someone. Felix raised an eyebrow.

“Stop… what, exactly?”

Changbin fiddled with the sleeves of his shirt.

“It’s… you always sleep in my bed, and I don’t think… we shouldn’t…”

He didn’t know how to complete the sentence, and he was beginning to notice this had been a very bad idea. He looked up. Felix was frowning.

“Is there… a reason why you want to stop? Do I make you uncomfortable, hyung?”

Changbin’s eyes widened.

“No! No, it’s nothing like that! I just… ugh, I just feel guilty, ok? You could sleep more and you would be much more comfortable with a whole bed for yourself, but you have to wait for me and sleep all curled up because I need babysitting at night. I just don’t think it’s fair.”

He said, finally letting out what he really thought. He didn’t look at Felix. He was too embarrassed to.

But then there was a hand on his cheeks, making him look up. Felix’s eyes were soft, expression open.

“Hyung… do you really think I’d do all of this if I didn’t think it was worth it? I don’t mind waiting for you, and I don’t mind sleeping with you. I like it, I always sleep well when you’re in my arms. Even when you rap in your sleep.” He said, chuckling. Changbin blushed. Felix’s hand was still in his cheek. “The point is: I don’t mind doing this. I love it, because I love spending time with you and… and I like you.”

Changbin’s eyes widened. The softness in Felix’s eyes had been replaced by a kind of worried, expectant look.

“Are… are you… this isn’t a joke, is it?” Felix shook his head, letting out a shaky breath, and that’s when Changbin noticed three things: one, Felix was absolutely terrified of Changbin’s reaction to his confession. Two, he was completely in love with Felix. And three, they were wasting time, had been for so long. “Fuck, I like you so much, Lix.”

Changbin didn’t know who leaned in first, but they met halfway, and there weren’t fireworks or anything like that. But Felix lips were as soft as they looked, moving slowly against Changbin’s own, and the boy’s taste was as addictive as him, and Changbin was so, so, so in love.

They separated, both panting, although they hadn’t really been kissing for that long. Changbin blushed as he noticed how red Felix’s lips were, and he wondered if his were like that too.

“I love you, hyung.”

Said Felix, pecking Changbin’s lips softly. Changbin smiled and pulled the younger closer, hiding his face on Felix’s chest.

“I love you too.”

 

They came to an agreement, in between kisses and cuddles.

Maybe sleeping together every night wasn’t the best option, because they would probably end up having to share hotel rooms with the other boys and without each other at some point. So they needed to work out a way for Changbin to sleep alone. And… well, there was only one way.

And that’s how they ended up on Changbin’s room that night, a bit before Chan was supposed to go home.

"You can do it, hyung. Chan hyung won't make fun of you. I promise you, I won't let him."

This made Changbin laugh. Felix, pacific, tiny Felix, was insinuating he'd fight Chan. For Changbin. The thought made butterflies fly around Changbin's tummy. He blushed and pushed the thought away, before remembering that Felix was his boyfriend now. He could allow himself those feelings.

"Ok."

He said. Felix beamed at him and didn't those damned butterflies ever sleep? Changbin made his way to his bag.

Despite not touching it for ages, he remembered exactly where the nightlight was. He pulled it out, embarrassed, and handed it to Felix. The younger understood the gesture and smiled, then got up and plugged Changbin's nightlight to the wall, turning it on. The soft green light came to life, barely noticeable with the ceiling lights on. Felix headed to the switch and turned off the other lights.

"Is it ok like this?"

Changbin nodded. The glow from the nightlight was faint, but enough for him to see himself, Felix and make out what everything in the room was. Felix grinned happily, and then ran to Changbin, jumping on him and making both of them fall on the bed. Changbin yelped, surprised, then laughed, because Felix was laughing and his laugh was contagious. He stopped laughing when he noticed how close Felix was.

Felix was on top of him, practically lying on him, and their faces were barely two inches apart. From this close, Changbin could count Felix's eyelashes, if he wanted to, and map out the constellations of freckles on his face.

“I love you, Lix.”

He whispered, and he knew he’d never get tired of saying those words. Felix smiled. Then he leaned down to kiss Changbin, before rolling so he was no longer on top of the older.

“I love you too.”

He said.

 

They were woken up, in the morning, by Chan.

Changbin was the first one to open his eyes, and then he blushed. Chan was eyeing him, amused.

“Is that what the problem was?”

He asked, and his voice was soft, careful. Changbin noticed the older was pointing at his nightlight. He sat up, looking down, and nodded. Chan chuckled, then kneeled in front of him.

“Binnie, you could have told us. No one would have cared.”

Changbin didn’t mean to pout.

“You… you made fun of Gyu.”

He managed to say, still a bit groggy from sleep. He felt Felix stirring behind him. Chan shook his head.

“Oh, love, we weren’t… we didn’t mean to upset you. We just thought it was cute. We should have made sure you knew we didn’t care.” Changbin shrugged. Chan put a hand on his chin, making him look up, then hugged him. “We love you, ok, Binnie? We love you a lot, and you can tell us anything. I promise.”

Changbin nodded. It was too early to be this emotional. He wiped the tears on his eyes before they could fall.

“Hum, Chan hyung, are you making my boyfriend cry?”

Chan raised an eyebrow. Changbin blushed. Felix got up and chuckled at the scene, hugging Changbin and kissing his cheek, just because he could.

“Oh, so you two got your shit together. Finally.”

Changbin made an indignant noise and Chan and Felix laughed. Changbin crossed his arms.

“I hate this family.”

The other two laughed. Changbin couldn’t stop the smile that grew on his face.

 

Telling the others was, somehow, more difficult than telling Chan. Changbin couldn’t find a good way to do it, and he was still scared that they would tease him. Of course, now he had Chan and Felix on his side. But still…

His chance came, though, when they gathered to watch a movie. Just him, Chan, Minho and Woojin, because the younger ones were busy preparing to do a live.

Changbin would have preferred to do this with Felix by his side, but as Minho turned off the lights and Changbin bit his lip, a bit uneasy with the dark, Chan nudged him. Changbin looked at the older, then quickly shook his head once he understood what the older wanted. But Chan’s stare was intense, and after a few seconds, Changbin sighed.

“Minho hyung…” He called. The boy, who had turned on his phone light to look for the TV controller, looked at him, questioningly. “Can… can we leave the lights on?”

Changbin could feel his cheeks burning as Minho tilted his head. He already felt like a kid when he hung out with the other three, being the youngest and closer to the younger ones than he was to them. Now he was about to look even more childish in front of them. Great.

“Why, though?”

Asked Minho, confused. Changbin glanced at Chan. The leader nodded encouragingly.

“I’m… I just… I’mkindascaredofthedark?”

He said, words coming out jumbled and sounding more like a question than an affirmation. Minho raised an eyebrow, still illuminated by his phone’s light.

“You what?”

He asked. Woojin was faster than Changbin.

“He’s scared of the dark.”

There was silence. Then Minho turned on the lights, and Changbin hid his face, embarrassed. Someone ran a hand through his hair, and Changbin glanced up to see Woojin smiling at him.

Changbin smiled back, hesitantly. For all that Woojin was a literal baby at times, he was sweet and mature when needed, and he was very good at knowing what actions were necessary and appropriate in which situations.

“How did you…?”

Started Changbin. Woojin smiled.

“Went looking for Chan the other day and saw your nightlight. I figured it was yours, cause I know Channie can sleep anywhere, anytime.”

Changbin snorted and Minho chuckled. Chan shoved Woojin away, laughing.

“Shut up, it’s not like you can talk.”

Woojin laughed. Minho sat next to Changbin.

“You could have told us sooner, you know?”

He said. Changbin shrugged.

“It’s embarrassing, hyung.”

Minho shook his head.

“Binnie, everyone has some habit they think is weird or embarrassing. Like Jisungie, who bites on everything he can find, or Innie, who sometimes asks Hyunjin to tuck him in. It’s normal, and you don’t have to be embarrassed about it. Ok?”

Changbin looked down and nodded. Minho made him look up, looking at him pointedly. The younger chuckled.

“Ok, hyung.”

Minho smiled.

“Great. Now let’s watch the movie before the kids are done and come bother us.”

Changbin snorted.

“Don’t talk like that about my boyfriend, hyung.”

Minho and Woojin didn’t even blink at the new information.

“You can go play with Felix, if you prefer that.”

Teased Woojin. Changbin smiled widely. He loved his family.

 

The last ones to know where the younger ones. Out of all of them, Jisung, Jeongin and Hyunjin were the ones whose potential reaction scared him the most. They were all as understanding as everyone else, but Jisung was the first one to tease him about Gyu, and Jeongin and Hyunjin had been quick to join in. Everyone else had already told him they weren’t making fun of him for Gyu, and that they didn’t know it was hurting him, and he believed it. But still, it wasn’t that easy to forget.

And then one day, Felix asked Changbin to sleep with him. In his bed. Changbin knew exactly what Felix was doing, but he also knew he’d have to do this sooner or later. So he decided to suck it up already and take the opportunity of both, sleeping with his boyfriend and letting the others know his secret.

 

As night came – two in the morning was still night, ok? –, Changbin hesitantly let Felix drag him to his room. It was almost empty. The only one there was Jisung. Changbin blushed, holding his nightlight tightly. He felt Felix squeezing his hand and he smiled, grateful.

“Sungie, Binnie hyung will spend the night, ok?”

Jisung looked up from his phone and gave them his signature squirrel-teeth smile.

“As long as you two don’t do anything inappropriate…”

He said, wiggling his eyebrows. Changbin blushed bright red and Felix choked on air before laughing awkwardly.

“Oh, we didn’t… we wouldn’t… we don’t…”

Jisung laughed freely this time and Changbin wanted the earth to swallow him.

“Oh my god, Lix, just go to bed before your boyfriend combusts.”

At that, Felix looked at Changbin. He chuckled and Changbin glared.

“Shut up.”

He mumbled. Felix’s smile widened and he pecked Changbin’s cheek, silently taking the nightlight from the boy’s hand.

Changbin chewed on his lip as he watched the younger plug and turn on his nightlight. He eyed Jisung. The boy was eyeing Felix curiously.

“What’s that for Lix?” Asked the boy. Felix made eye contact with Changbin for a second. Jisung raised an eyebrow.

“Uhn…”

Started Felix. Jisung was faster.

“Binnie hyung, you need a nightlight?”

Changbin frowned and shrugged, preparing himself for the worse. Except it didn’t come. He looked up to see Jisung smiling widely. “Cute.”

Said the boy, then picked up his phone and went back to whatever he’d been doing before Felix and Changbin entered the room. Changbin breathed a sigh of relief. It was as if a weight had been taken from his shoulders, a weight he didn’t even notice he’d been carrying.

He felt a hand on his cheek and looked up. Felix pecked his lips, smiling.

“C’mon, let’s go to bed.”

Changbin smiled back, warmth spreading on his chest.

 

When Seungmin arrived, the lights were already out, although none of the boys in the room was asleep.

“Is that a nightlight?”

He asked as he navigated through the mess that was the room. A hum came from Jisung’s bed before Changbin could get a word in.

“Hum, Lix brought his boyfriend over.”

Changbin could kind of make out Seungmin’s form, and he was pretty sure the boy was eyeing him and Felix.

“Changbinnie hyung?” He asked, after a second. Changbin simply hummed back, too warm and comfortable to actually speak. “Hyung, your nightlight is a bear.”

Changbin snorted.

“Yeah.”

He said, snuggling closer to Felix. Seungmin’s little bell laugh rang through the room.

“It’s cute.”

He said.

“Thanks.”

Changbin answered, already halfway to dreamland.

 

He only got to see the others’ reactions in the morning. Jeongin was the one who woke them up, and he simply smiled at Changbin, that big smile of his that made everyone melt.

“We love you a lot, ok, hyung? No matter what.”

Changbin had still been groggy from sleep, but he immediately understood what the boy was talking about.

Hyunjin had been the one to unplug his nightlight and give it to Changbin as the older got up to leave to get ready for the day. He had a simple smile on his face, conveying everything he needed to say.

As Changbin left, Felix kissed the top of his head.

“I told it would be fine, hyung.”

Changbin just smiled.

It was ironic, really. 'I love dark', Changbin had said. It was true, it really was. Changbin liked dark atmospheres, dark lyrics, dark concepts. He liked dark clothes, dark music; he styled his rap to be dark. He loved dark. Except... not the actual thing. The actual thing scared the shit out of him.

But when he had a family like this, it didn’t matter. They would always be there to keep him safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you guys like it?


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